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All posts for the month March, 2011

So I was watching TV Japan while eating lunch, and since it’s been a few weeks since the earthquake and tsunami, the channel seems to be back to its regular schedule, as I was watching a regular-length program about jinja (shrines) in a certain area. After I finished eating, two short children’s programs came on…both about fifteen minutes long.

It made me realize that these types of shows really can take almost anything and make it exciting. There was a whole song about brushing your teeth (remember, it’s in Japanese) and in both programs there was a lot of jumping and high-pitched voices…and they were singing almost the entire time. XD I didn’t watch all of the second one because I just didn’t want to. xD But they were so cute!

I think it’s wrong to look down on ‘kid shows’ just because you’re older and already know all of the words and answers to the questions on the shows (“What’s different? Oh! The lantern is now a ladybug!” or “What is he pretending to be? Oh yeah, a helicopter!”). After all, those things fascinate little kids and help them to learn. At least dance to the music! It’s rather fun because you’re not trying to be serious.

Little girl on the TV: “Wake up, everyone! Let’s run!”
Me: “OKAY! 8D *proceeds to run around the living room*”

After all, it’s adorable to see the little kids answer questions and stuff in unison!! I can’t recreate the exact incident that I’m thinking of, but I hope you know what I mean… <3

Fun Day

So far, today has been a great day! I’m almost done mixing the PV for K~Y’s new ‘single’ and after cleaning my room yesterday, it’s…well, cleaner now. :D

Edit: Hm. I posted, and it deleted everything below this line. D:

Let’s try again, then. ^^

I am happy for several reasons: my room is clean-ish, I don’t have to juice today, my mom set an appointment so we can get our hair trimmed next month, and I ‘started’ today without any cramps at all. *holds up bottle of YoungLiving Dragon Time Body Wash* Magical stuff, I tell you. It is specially made for women’s ‘time of the month’ and yes, it really works!

One thing, though…it is rather difficult to do that one dance move to Berryz Koubou’s “Heroine ni Narou ka!” on carpet. >.>

It’s so irritating when you have a small room (well, it’s actually a good-sized room, so I’m not complaining about the room itself) and so much stuff that you can’t FIT IT into said room!

I don’t know what to do with a lot of the stuff, either! Some of it’s not even mine…I have a filing cabinet in my room because it won’t fit anywhere else, for example. -A- Luckily, it serves as a surface for me to store all of the lotions and perfumes and nail polish I never use.

>:(

Really, I just need to throw the lotions away. They’re like 3-4 years old anyway. Same with the make-up I never use.

I’m only having this issue because Nana brought over some of my stuff from her house, where my mom and I had been staying before my mom got married again, so I could go through it. The main reason was to find pictures of me from birth till now for the senior banquet at church; they’re putting together a slideshow or something…and my parents have to set up a table where my stuff will be displayed. Anyway, the stuff came over here, and now it’s clogging up my room….I’ve had to resort to shoving things between my chest-of-drawers and bookcase AND under my bed AND in my closet (which is already small and overstuffed as is. -A-), and I don’t like putting things under my bed because I’m less likely to use those things. Guess I’ll have to change that?

I have a piano in my closet and a piano on the floor, at the foot of my bed. I rarely use either one because I’m always busy with artbook/singing/writing/bleh. I have two guitars (one in a corner and one at the foot of my bed) that I don’t use because I still haven’t been taught how to play. I have Shonen JUMP magazines from 2007 till now, plus a preview issue where I got my Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon and some 2006 issues, all shoved into my bookcase, which overshadows one of the two guitars and also houses my Yu-gi-oh! cards and other things like that. I have clothes I don’t wear but never get around to donating, CDs I don’t listen to (a lot of which aren’t even mine–they’re my mom’s, and she doesn’t listen to them either)…

Someone with a very loud truck just drove by. >.> Please fix your muffler, sir.

Anyway…I don’t know what to do…all of my organizational bins have been full since five or six years ago when I got them, and they pretty much have the same stuff in them from back then–stuff I STILL don’t look at or use.

And then my dad’s, like, mad, and it puts me in a bad mood because I feel like I’ve got to clean things so I won’t get in trouble. Though that feeling really comes from living with my ex-stepdad for nine years…with him, I really would get in trouble if I didn’t clean whenever he was mad. In my new immediate family, it’s not like that, but that fear carried over, I guess. Plus also he was vaccuuming and I didn’t want him to be all like “Move your stuff so I can clean the floor. D<" and me to be like "o3o *dumps contents of floor onto bed*"……..
:(

I need a nap….. T_T

It’s often really bright and sunny the day after a storm. Right now, the sky is a beautiful blue and there are puffy clouds drifting by, and seeing all of the warmth outside (even though it’s actually pretty chilly) makes me feel warm. :)

I didn’t Livestream yesterday, but I think it’s okay. It seems that there is a lull in activity from my watchers on DeviantART anyway and few, if any, would have gotten the message and watched. So it’s okay that I didn’t LS.

It’s been spring break for some places, but I think my little brother’s spring break is next week. I wonder what we’re going to do? I hope he doesn’t bother me too much. D: I have very important things to do!

New post on Yuki-ON Studios blog: http://yuki-ongaku.blogspot.com/2011/03/new-page-layout-kawatama-updates.html

The tree in front of my window is looking a lot greener today after yesterday’s winds blew a lot of the blossoms away. Actually, everything looks lively today. Greenery is really green and the other colors are very bright. The sky is a bit cloudy, though, because it’s supposed to rain today. It seems to rain a lot on Wednesdays. I wonder why?

Incidentally, I’m scheduled to Livestream today. I seem to be doing it every other week rather than every week, but it’s not a problem. Today I will continue to draw, color, and finish pictures for my artbook. Since it comes out next month, I have to finish it fast!

Despite the stress, I have a good feeling.

…Sometimes the flowers are blown around so much that it looks like it’s snowing. It’s a spring snow, huh? :P

RANDOM POST. <3
Dances that I want to learn within the next two months:

1. Nanchuu Koi wo Yatteruu YOU KNOW? (by Berryz Koubou)
2. Munasawagi Scarlet (by Berryz Koubou)
3. JIRIRI KITERU (by Berryz Koubou)
4. Heroine ni Narou ka! (by Berryz Koubou)
5. Tokaikkou Junjou (by C-ute)
6. Bravo*Bravo (by Buono!)
7. Take it Easy! (by Buono!)
8. ORIGINAL DANCE: JUICY HE@RT (by Buono!)
9. ORIGINAL DANCE: Zassou no Uta (by Buono!)
10. ORIGINAL DANCE: Runaway Train (by Buono!)

+ORIGINAL DANCE: Koisuru Angel Heart (by v-u-den)

*These won’t be learned/recorded/uploaded in this exact order, but I’ll stick pretty close to it.

Several years ago, I wrote a story for the Yu-gi-oh! fandom (fanfiction) that I, at the time, adored. This story was basically a rewrite of the entire series, and it introduced plenty of my own characters (OCs) and plenty of plot twists. It was a pretty lengthy story, and if it were an anime, it would have run for fifteen seasons or more. The title was Yu-gi-oh! Recreated: A Pharaoh’s Last Will.

On the surface, this large fanfiction project sounds fairly decent, right? If I told you a little more, you might even want to read it. But the truth is that it is filled with impurities. Filth. Junk. Sin. Whatever you want to call it, it’s bad. BAD.

“Why?”
Why, indeed.

I’ll just say that there was a time when I wrote things that I shouldn’t have. That alone should give you an idea without me having to explain much more. The bad news is that this story is not the worst story I’ve written. The good news is that I destroyed the worst story already, probably in eighth grade, which is probably when I wrote it. The better news is that not everything I wrote was bad. This holds true for Yu-gi-oh! Recreated as well.

There are redeeming things within it, yes. It has a good intention…sort of. It’s a shell of something good. And I know that if I were to purge it of its horribleness, I could save those few good things. But there is so much horribleness inside it’s ‘good’ shell that I can’t even look at the story to try saving it. I turn away from it. I dare say I’m ashamed of it.

But…I still ‘love’ it, if only for sentimental reasons.

I think this can be directly applied to how God looks at us. On the outside, we may be able to pass off as being good, innocent, harmless; but on the inside, in sin, we’re hardly innocent at all. Even if there is some good in us, when there’s so much horribleness, I think it makes God want to look away and say, “I’m ashamed of them. I created them for good, and they’ve strayed from their purpose.” Even so, it doesn’t change his love for us. It might be a poor example, but I think that the analogy shows well: like I still care about my story despite all of the junk it has, God still loves us despite all of the junk WE have.

And just like my story can’t fix itself without my help, we can’t truly fix ourselves without God’s help. I know from experience that once you really take a good look at yourself and acknowledge your problems, your sin, and DEAL with those things, you can repent from them and give them to God. You can ask for forgiveness and finally let them go. And trust me, you WON’T MISS THEM. Life is so much freer when you don’t have to carry all that junk around.

Still don’t believe me? I’ll tell you a little bit about my experience with this.

The Yu-gi-oh! story that I have been mentioning throughout this blog post really describes my past self like a mirror, because it is how I was living. I was a shell of innocence with a sour core–the sourness caused by my own sin. From sixth grade through ninth grade, I carried that dead weight around with me, and it only got worse because I knew I was doing wrong, but I refused to let it go because I thought it was too interesting, too exciting to let go. Sometime in eighth grade I realized that it was destroying me. It was making me into someone I didn’t want to be, someone who wasn’t me; someone I didn’t like at all. So I prayed to God to help me stop it. And you know what? He DID.

I knew it wasn’t going to be an overnight process; in fact, it really took about two years for me to finally let go of that junk I’d held onto. But I took it one step at a time, you know? I started getting rid of some of the fanfiction and pictures I’d done in my sin, and limited myself on what I read. Slowly, I began to heal. Slowly, I began to feel better about what I was doing, because I knew that I was heading for that point I was aiming for–to completely rid myself of ‘the horribleness’. I kept telling myself, “I’m getting there. I’m getting there.” By the same time in ninth grade, I was much “better”. I still wasn’t completely free, but in my mind, I had definitely severed many of the chains holding me down to the awful things that I wanted to put behind me. After leaving public school and making the choice to homeschool, I continued the ‘purification’ process, and by the end of tenth grade, I was completely free.

Even though I knew that, after being baptized on July 4, 2010 (Independence Day!), my freedom became real to me. My past is now completely behind me, completely cut off from my present. I have no fear of coming across those past things again because I’m safe. I’m SAVED. I can’t be touched. And thank GOD, because now I can tell others about my experience. I can understand BOTH sides. If you’ve read this far, thanks for reading! :D It can be hard to confess these things, especially when you’re perceived to be a pure/innocent person. It’s like “WHOA! You were really like that?!” The truth is for those few years, I was like that Yu-gi-oh! story: innocent on the outside but sinful on the inside. For those few years, I just wasn’t myself. I was depressed, though I didn’t know it, and I tried to either appeal to everyone or shove them away.

I’m very grateful to God for helping me out of that horribleness, and saving me. I’m thankful that he loved me even through those times, even though he probably didn’t even want to look at me.

And I’m thankful to you for reading this. I really hope you were able to learn something. I hope it encouraged you. If you’re being held back by your own junk, it’s time to face it! Let it go, give it to God, and take it step by step. If you’re already on the path to freedom, don’t stop; keep going! You’re getting there.