Reliable

1 May

I feel like I’ve done this and that, and before I know it the day is mostly over. Since I really like mornings, this can be a little saddening. ^^;

On one hand, it’s probably a tactic. If I keep myself “too busy” then I won’t interact with many people and I won’t have to face that fear.

On the other hand, I know that if I talk to someone on Skype (for example), I won’t get much done because I’ll have to keep stopping to reply! It’s not much different over the phone or in “real life” (face to face) either, because focus is more on the person rather than the thing I want to get done. Yes, I can draw and talk at the same time. I can look up info and talk at the same time. But that’s using my voice. It’s difficult to draw and keep stopping to type in a response on Skype. ;_; Is that why I don’t get on Skype much? Maybe. But then…what have I been doing? It’s already May and…I don’t know.

It’s not like I haven’t drawn things. I have and I’ve had a lot of fun!~ I’ve done translations and other things too, so I think the main problem is that I still don’t know what to do about blending everything I want to do together.

I don’t like being sad… Well, let’s not be! c:

I guess the biggest thing to take away from this repeated experience is perhaps the fact that I simply can’t rely on myself. ^^; I can only rely on God. That kind of hurts, I think, since one of the things I REALLY want to be is reliable. ^^;

I’ve been resting my chin in one hand a lot lately… I don’t like doing that. I should sit up straight.

… 🙂

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